When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
