I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
