I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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