Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
