I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
