Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
