she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
