remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
