drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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