Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
