I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
