Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
