I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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