My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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