dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When are your genitals available?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
