Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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