The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
