I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
