Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
