What a fucking waste of an outfit
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
