just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Houston, we have a blender
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
