If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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