I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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