I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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