He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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