And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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