All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
