if i died would you start the facebook group?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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