Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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