The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you had me at cake vodka
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
