I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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