The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
