"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
