I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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