He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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