10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
