1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
