No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
