it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
