either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
