i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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