take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
