I'm so fucking centered right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
