So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
