do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
