he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
