So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
