ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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