Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
