I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
