Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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