also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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