You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
