Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
