I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
