he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
