Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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