My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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